Review: A Favourite Mug

pictured: a mug that inspires prejudice

What’s being tested?

The conscious decision to actively favour a porcelain beverage receptacle above all other such receptacles to hand, and the ramifications of that decision.

What we found

Pros: Our testers found that having a favourite mug could serve as an effective entry-level source of stability and comfort in the perpetual constant of ‘uncertain times’. Similarly, if ‘certain times’ were ever to come into being, many of our staff speculated that not having a favourite mug could give rise to to needless uncertainty, potentially undermining our new found social stability.

Also, because the favourite on-test comes from a relatively inexpensive source of favouritism, it constituted a far more cost-effective favourite than a favourite miniature ceramic cottage or favourite hand crafted blown glass bird of prey, for example. Having a favourite mug was also found to be less of a gamble than having a favourite child or umbrella corporation, both of which were found to, in most instances, lead you up the garden path and subsequently break your heart without so much as an apology or a glance over the shoulder.

Our testers also noted that the prospect of customising their own mugs with their own designs through the services of a good high street stationers or printers presented them with the welcome prospect of creating a favourite of their own division, which could in turn lead to a whole mug cupboard of favourites. A favourite mug was also found to be easily storeable and therefore hideable, avoiding any unwanted instances of mug envy amongst visitors.

Cons: Our testers found that having a favourite mug exposed that receptacle to more-frequent-than-average usage, and as such accelerated the natural lifespan of its porcelain body, confirming the truth that one does indeed destroy the things one loves. Similarly, we felt that, while good clean fun, choosing a favourite mug potentially exposes the individual to unnecessary heartbreak, as the possibility of it either breaking or being found in the hands of another were constant and high. Finally, a minority of our testers voiced the concern that an individual should be subjectively preferential primarily in his or her choice of culture – in their preference in authors or artists, for example – and that focusing on choosing a favourite mug was neither subversive nor ironic but just a bloody annoying attempt at affecting some kind of lousy character trope.

Verdict

Our testers found that, while having a favourite mug initially seems like a good idea, the preference very soon loses the novelty and credibility that once drew the individual to it. We found that the preference was a very difficult thing to maintain interest in, and would come to constitute an unnecessary burden for the eventual majority of the time of the individual’s active preferencing. And yet to live without the preference would be to subject oneself to a lifetime of meaningless mugs with only passing relevance to the individual or even, in some extreme instances, foam cups. We recommend that the individual is aware of both eventualities and, if he or she does intend on choosing a porcelain preference, they choose something beyond porcelain – something with depth. We would recommend committing to not ignoring any cracks that appear, and avoid anything brandishing topical catchphrases or pink bunny heads.

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