Review: The Second Biscuit from an Unsuccessful Biscuit Line

Pictured: Shackleton’s technically unsuccessful biscuit, not technically relevant to this review

What’s being tested?

The consumption of a second biscuit from a packet of ultimately unsuccessful snack biscuits.

What we found

Pros

We found that the majority of our conclusions regarding the fate of a line of biscuits or snacks are ultimately formed on the successful consumption of the initial biscuit, with any judgements made on additional eatings being largely in support of our initial outcomes. As such, eating a second biscuit from what we would believe to be a doomed biscuit line is largely done for reasons different from the eating of the first.

For example, despite the feeling that the biscuit line being experienced had failed, we felt that it was still worth reviewing said line for as long as was possible, so as to learn from the mistakes made by its architects and bakers. Understanding the missteps of an unsuccessful endeavour better prepares us for the thinking behind future biscuit lines.

Our testers also felt that an initial tasting may not be enough to yield any specific nuance in the biscuit bake, and as such further eats were essential.  With a biscuit line’s ultimate success, again, very much determined by the tasters response to the initial biscuit, the resolution to press on with additional biscuits could insinuate ‘character’ on the part of said taster.

Finally, we felt that, in times as austere as these, dispensing with a packet of biscuits after eating only one biscuit from said packet was an option open to no one. This necessity, coupled with what could be seen as an obligation to pay final respects to a noble-if-ultimately-unsuccessful endeavour, meant that the consumption of the second biscuit was inevitable.

Cons

We found that there may be circumstances where an individual may be forced to eat a packet of biscuits from an unsuccessful biscuit line because of adverse personal circumstances, like being trapped in a collapsed extension or having been unable to rouse sufficient enthusiasm to affect grocery shopping, for example. In such situations, while the second biscuit could very well double as a positive ‘moment of clarity’ of sorts,  the immediate physical reality of the taster’s situation remains profoundly negative.

Our testers also felt that, in a small number of situations, a second biscuit could be indicative of an individual’s failure to appreciate the certain demise of the biscuit bake being enjoyed. The implicit forming of an attachment to said doomed bake through the continuation of its consumption was not only tragic and regrettable in and of itself, but also suggested a tendency to form similarly tragically fated associations in the future, like choosing the wrong energy supplier or family-in-law.

Verdict

On balance, we found that, with informed eating, the continuation of the consumption of what would almost certainly come to be an unsuccessful biscuit line was, despite its hazards, an ultimately important act. As is so often the case, many of the problems we experience in the here and now could so easily have been avoided with a proper understanding of the mistakes of the past. The field of biscuitary is no exception. The admission that one has ‘chosen the wrong biscuits’ is a difficult one to make, but we found that the benefits of doing so are not insignificant.

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